Suffering Bastard is a bar, hidden off the main drag in the charming historic section of Sanford inside Tuffy’s Bottle Shop & Lounge. It’s tiny, and you will need to make a reservation unless you want a long wait and risk not getting in at all…
The interior is decorated top to bottom, and the soundtrack is exactly what a Tikiphile might hope for – heavy on Exotica, with occasional interjections of good Hapa Haole covers and surf numbers, including iconic bands like Satan’s Pilgrims and Messer Chumps.
On to the comestibles! There are about half a dozen items on the food menu, and I think we ordered all but one, being fairly hungry the day we were there. We ordered the Vegetable Gyoza, Crab Rangoon, Edamame, Char Sui Chicken Skewers, and the seasoned fries with scallions (but sans the pulled pork that goes on them, since Jeanie is allergic). I believe the only item we did not order was the sliders.
Everything was perfect. The fries were crunchy on the outside, creamy on the inside, the Crab Rangoon was short on cream cheese and longer on crab, the Gyoza were good – and the dipping sauces that came with the Rangoon and Gyoza were also great for dipping the fries in … when those dishes get whisked away, keep the sauce if you also ordered fries!
The Edamame were … edamame, lightly salted. The furikake-scallion mayo sauce on the chicken skewers – and the plate had two, so we each got one – was also excellent, and great for dipping the fries in as well once the chicken was gone.
All in all, everything tasted great. All of the fried items were perfect and not the slightest bit greasy; we really enjoyed the food offerings.
On to the drinks … We started by ordering off of the Happy Hour menu. Jeanie had a thoroughly enjoyable Nui Nui, and I had a Mai Tai. Typically, I order a Zombie as my classic when evaluating a bar, since it’s harder to make, but hey, it wasn’t a Happy Hour offering, no surprise there.
The Mai Tai’s blend of rums was delicious, and the drink was perfectly balanced. Orgeats vary, and even if you are following the cocktail recipe the almond can sometimes be a dominant note, depending on what was used. Not so at Suffering Bastard. The orgeat was a background note as it ought to be; the almond flavor did not kick ass and take names. The Nui Nui and Mai Tai we had at Suffering Bastard are probably among the best Happy Hour menu drinks we’ve ever had.
For our second round, we wanted to order Suffering Bastard drink specialties, from their non-Happy Hour offerings. I ordered a drink of the house originals list, and since we had just delivered our son to Embry Riddle Aeronautical University where he would be seeing a rocket launch in a couple of days, ordered an Astronaut – which was, as I expected, a strong, rum-funky and solid riff on the Test Pilot, with a garnish of passion fruit boba in a lime shell and a glow cube.
However, when it came to Jeanie’s drink we experienced some communication difficulties. Jeanie had inquired about the Stay-Puffed Marshmallow Man tiki mug behind the bar, and then in an effort to obtain the drink that came with the mug, ordered the Ectocooler, as it was the only drink on the menu with an obvious nod to the Ghostbusters.
The Ectocooler proved instead to be an up drink that did not come in that mug, and she eventually handed it to me. She asked again about the mug, and learned that Marshmallow Man mugs were not for sale. If you wanted the off-menu drink that went with that mug, you were required to hand your server a credit card and agree to an automatic deposit that would be invoked if anything happened to the mug. Clearly, this bar has had trouble with mug theft, but it felt a bit like playing Twenty Questions with the server to actually obtain the drink Jeanie wanted, in the correct mug. By the time we worked through the questioning process, Jeanie was almost unable to obtain the drink — server made a point of noting that our two-hour limit at the Bastard was coming up in half an hour, and appeared inclined to deny the request on that basis. Jeanie was persistent, and the order was placed.
When the Stay-Puffed Marshmallow Man mug finally arrived with its signature drink, it was indeed magnificent, and drew attention from many other patrons – the stick of three fiery marshmallows atop a cinnamon-dusted orange wheel did not hurt. Drink wise, it was a bit like a Painkiller, but with marshmallow-flavored essence or syrup added. On the sweet side for my taste, but oh so good, and perfectly suited to Jeanie’s.
As for the Ectocooler, it was served in a tiki stem glass, and was aquamarine in color, a little spicy, and featured Hamilton White Stache, falernum, lime juice and pandan syrup – the latter, apart from an interesting background flavor, I also thought added a touch of smooth, silky mouthfeel. It was a good drink, and more complex than its limited list of ingredients might suggest.
We wrapped up and settled our tab, including the extra for the Suffering Bastard’s signature headhunter mug with faux gem eyes. Again, we had the sense that the server assumed we would try to overstay our welcome, and was hustling us along to make sure we didn’t.
Overall? Drinks and food were totally on-point, and as close to perfect as one might hope. Atmosphere and music – also great. Service – fast, efficient, pleasant, but not chatty (if you like that sort of thing) or particularly helpful, even when direct questions were involved. The menu leaned heavily into rum drinks, but had some variety too – a couple each of vodka, bourbon, and tequila-based drinks, as well as the Saturn for gin enthusiasts.
So, Suffering Bastard is absolutely worth visiting and enjoying for its near-perfect execution of food, drink, and atmosphere. The bar is about an hour outside of Orlando, so impractical to get to if you are staying in Orlando unless you have a rental car. If wheels are not an issue, it is an excellent must-of-an-experience if you find yourself in that area.
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